Kvetch Haven
Before more people misunderstood "KVETCH" as a person name, perhaps I should explain the meaning a little.
Kvetch actaully meant to complain and whine. This blog named "Kvetch Haven" so that I can complain a little, whine a little about life. Of course, this blog will not be solely on constant whinning and complain.
Neither Here Nor There
whispered @ Wednesday, May 25, 2005 by stardusz
I have been in this job, being a web designer for a local company, for 8 months coming on to 9 months... Though when people asked me about my job I would reply that I am a web-designer with a grin, I get pretty worried if they were to further probe what do I do as a web designer.
"Well... I change the colour theme for the company's website... Do some simple designing too... Make simple gif images required... Simple javascript.. Simple programming... That's about it"
I bet my face blushes with shame when I mentioned those. Does these qualify me to label myself as a web designer? Where are the creativity that a designer suppose to have? I have none? I can't label myself as a programmer either... Simple javascript, simple programming... I bet an elementary student can fare far better then me in either one.
Sometimes, I felt really useless. Though time and again friends said I am not... But I just felt so damn useless...
I do not know since when did drawing became such a tough task for me... I used not to have much problem drawing out what I wanted to draw in my mind. But recently, I found that I have problem expressing what I have in mind through drawings. Whenever I hold up my pencil, what I intended to draw, what I saw in my mind seems to be either fogged or disappear, gone. I seem to have lost the flair, the ability to draw out what I feel or vision in mind.
I felt so unskill... I seems to have wasted my years on this Earth... I am no different to parasites... Clinging on to life because the wick has not burn out. I sense no sense of acheivement. I felt that life is so empty.
Looking at my parents aging day by day and with my acheivement close to zero make me feel very bad. They should be enjoying life now... Maybe happily travelling around the world, instead they can only stay at home, worrying about things that I should be shouldering... In ancient China, I will most probably be classified as an unfillial child and condemn by many others...
What should I do?? So many things that I want to learn, want to do... Yet there is only 24hr a day... Minus off the 6hours of rest, I have only 18hr to do what I want or need to do...
Time turn against me, skills have left me
Leave me squatting in the dark corner, face cowered and no where to turn to...
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